Amen, middle-aged sister. Amen. So well said. Why did ALL of our parents tell us not to make that face, cuz it'll stay that way forever? I remember being younger, and as soon as I heard the old people talk about doctors' appointments and aches and pains, I rolled my eyes so hard it would actually make a sound. I'd quickly get up and find some other group of people to join. Now, the second I hear old people talk about doctors' appointments and aches and pains, I rush over to contribute my list of complaints to the conversation. Thank you for the article, as always.
Do you remember when I was trying to figure out how all children know the words and hand gestures to Miss Mary Mack? I wonder if there's also some kind of weird osmosis through which parents know to tell their kids not to make that face because it will freeze that way forever.
And yes: if I overhear someone talking about aches and pains I'm like, "Hey, who wants to hear about my retinal tear/plantar fasciitis/unexplained rib pain?"
Thank you as always for reading and GETTING it! xo
I recently discovered one eyebrow is actually resting higher than the other from all my eyebrow raising over the years. Total comeuppance for not believing my face could stick that way. But also, what to do? Eyebrow exercises for the other eyebrow? Is there eyebrow tape? Do I just draw the lazy eyebrow higher up to match the other one? Change my hairstyle to cover one eyebrow? Please advise! 🤣
Oh my goodness (pulls up chair), you've come to the right place. I have a furrow between my eyebrows, approximately as deep as the Mariana Trench, which makes me look perpetually angry (and not just angry, but I'M GONNA SHANK YOU IF YOU COME ANY CLOSER kind of angry, when in reality I might just be thinking about something completely innocuous). My solution? Surgical tape that I put on the furrows every night before bed at a 45-degree-angle. WARNING: together with my mouth guard, the strips of surgical tape on my forehead make me look almost unbearably seductive, but they actually do work.
That said, I feel like there's something very '40s femme fatale about one eyebrow that's higher than the other, which may be a look worth embracing?
I may embrace as a last resort, but will try the surgical tape first! I already use one of those chin/jowl slimming bands the night before I know I’ll have my photo taken, so now it will have company!
I am with you 100% on chasing down items we somehow gave away not knowing our middle aged selves would long to recapture part of the confidence and ease and dewy skin of our youth again. I may have chased down *THE* Gap 90s denim button down mini-dress on eBay that I wore the day I arrived at college (and is immortally captured on my college ID). I may not have. I might break I out when it hits 80 degrees or more over here in the East Bay. I step back into a bit of my eternally optimistic self who seems to cheer me on as I eat all the silly protein. Also, I am very intrigued by this weight machine with the sine wave....xoxo
Ooh, please send me a picture of the dress if you do break it out! I swear, those items from our youth are some kind of portal to the past—or at least we *think* they're a portal to the past, which is almost as good?
ALL the machines on the e-gym circuit have the sine wave. It's weirdly meditative and also surreal, in a sci-fi/existential crisis kind of way. I can't be the only person watching my progress and thinking, "Wow, so much like life... up and down and up again, striving to consume as many yellow dots as possible before you reach the end... but what's it all for?" No? Just me? Anyway, make of that what you will. 😂
Um, how can you not edit your post after posting and realizing you have a typo. Not only a typo, but a typo in front of a fantastic writer...enter silent scream. "I might break it out..." sigh.
Do you have any idea how many typos I've found in my posts (or had generous readers point out in my posts)? Too many to count. In such cases, I trot out the parable about how Turkish rugs always have a slight imperfection woven into an inconspicuous place because only God can make a perfect thing.
While the writing here is excellent as always, I have no idea what you're talking about. I bound out of bed every morning, every bone, joint and tendon my silent partner in my day's pursuits, and I am always the exact right temperature and I do not sauna-sweat hourly. What you describe sounds—as the kids say (used to say?)—MID.
I believe I met you because I had a suggestion for a pair of overalls and I'm so glad I did because you are the bomb. You make me laugh while you make me think and there should be more of that in this world. And I also have no interest in being 116 years old, so middle age is in the rear view. I just rub castor oil on everything and hope for the best. ❤️
YES!!! You introduced me to Wild Fang and because of you I own a Debbie Harry vest with a chain. And at the risk of spiraling down the "no, YOU" rabbit hole, YOU'RE the bomb. I admire you and your writing so so so much. Also: castor oil? Have not heard of this but must try.
The Debbie Harry vest is so sharp. I'm so glad you bought it. They are such a cool little company.
The castor oil therapy came from my kinesiology voodoo lady. You can get all fancy about it and lube up and wrap your offending body parts (https://queenofthethrones.com/collections/castor-oil-packs) or just use it like a super dense moisturizer. It's crazy thick so it lasts a long time. You might find yourself using it on everything.
Thanks for reading my stuff! I always appreciate you. ❣️
I am on it. Also, once you come roaring back, please please fly through SFO or SJC. Then we can meet in person. You'll know me because I'll be slippery with castor oil like a greased pig and also wearing the Debbie Harry vest.
I LOVE the "We do not care club" lady! She 100% taps into my humour. I also love realtorkaitlin for the same reason (although she's young and hot - I've embraced forgiveness on this occasion.) Humour is my go-to compass through the supplements, creams, and stretching exercises. In fact, I'm convinced of its healing qualities. Hippocrates was onto something - although I'd prefer not to think about yellow bile and phlegm. But humour sustains me, is a source of encouragement, makes the difficult seem a little less overwhelming, and helps me to stay connected with others. It is a key part of my daily mental workout routine.
It’s all too true! And it just gets worse—says someone who got a back injury seven months ago and still trying to heal it. All the groaning while trying to get up – thank God only my cats hear it.
Linda Joy, I'm so sorry your back is bothering you—wishing you speedy healing! And don't even get me started on the noises that have come out of my mouth when I get out of bed in the morning or up from a chair. It's startling, really.
I of course must commend you on your mention of “Drag Me to Hell” by the great Sam Raimi (better known for the “Evil Dead” series and “Spider-Man”). It’s a straightforward scary story about someone trying to be good, who ends up doing something bad in the process.
You will of course be unsurprised to hear that I never watched "Drag Me to Hell," but I did listen to the (excellent) breakdown of the movie on Ruined. And the reference itself was the result of a Google search called "pictures of terrifying old women in movies." Lorna Raver was the first hit.
Honestly? Laughing is the best antidote to the ravages of age. Better than retinol or the gym, even. Though I can't say that it helps with bone density. :-)
Amen, middle-aged sister. Amen. So well said. Why did ALL of our parents tell us not to make that face, cuz it'll stay that way forever? I remember being younger, and as soon as I heard the old people talk about doctors' appointments and aches and pains, I rolled my eyes so hard it would actually make a sound. I'd quickly get up and find some other group of people to join. Now, the second I hear old people talk about doctors' appointments and aches and pains, I rush over to contribute my list of complaints to the conversation. Thank you for the article, as always.
Do you remember when I was trying to figure out how all children know the words and hand gestures to Miss Mary Mack? I wonder if there's also some kind of weird osmosis through which parents know to tell their kids not to make that face because it will freeze that way forever.
And yes: if I overhear someone talking about aches and pains I'm like, "Hey, who wants to hear about my retinal tear/plantar fasciitis/unexplained rib pain?"
Thank you as always for reading and GETTING it! xo
I was my 22 year old niece's birthday party and someone brought up pill organizers...the area exploded with chatter.
🤣
I recently discovered one eyebrow is actually resting higher than the other from all my eyebrow raising over the years. Total comeuppance for not believing my face could stick that way. But also, what to do? Eyebrow exercises for the other eyebrow? Is there eyebrow tape? Do I just draw the lazy eyebrow higher up to match the other one? Change my hairstyle to cover one eyebrow? Please advise! 🤣
Oh my goodness (pulls up chair), you've come to the right place. I have a furrow between my eyebrows, approximately as deep as the Mariana Trench, which makes me look perpetually angry (and not just angry, but I'M GONNA SHANK YOU IF YOU COME ANY CLOSER kind of angry, when in reality I might just be thinking about something completely innocuous). My solution? Surgical tape that I put on the furrows every night before bed at a 45-degree-angle. WARNING: together with my mouth guard, the strips of surgical tape on my forehead make me look almost unbearably seductive, but they actually do work.
That said, I feel like there's something very '40s femme fatale about one eyebrow that's higher than the other, which may be a look worth embracing?
I may embrace as a last resort, but will try the surgical tape first! I already use one of those chin/jowl slimming bands the night before I know I’ll have my photo taken, so now it will have company!
Nailed it
🙏
I am with you 100% on chasing down items we somehow gave away not knowing our middle aged selves would long to recapture part of the confidence and ease and dewy skin of our youth again. I may have chased down *THE* Gap 90s denim button down mini-dress on eBay that I wore the day I arrived at college (and is immortally captured on my college ID). I may not have. I might break I out when it hits 80 degrees or more over here in the East Bay. I step back into a bit of my eternally optimistic self who seems to cheer me on as I eat all the silly protein. Also, I am very intrigued by this weight machine with the sine wave....xoxo
Ooh, please send me a picture of the dress if you do break it out! I swear, those items from our youth are some kind of portal to the past—or at least we *think* they're a portal to the past, which is almost as good?
ALL the machines on the e-gym circuit have the sine wave. It's weirdly meditative and also surreal, in a sci-fi/existential crisis kind of way. I can't be the only person watching my progress and thinking, "Wow, so much like life... up and down and up again, striving to consume as many yellow dots as possible before you reach the end... but what's it all for?" No? Just me? Anyway, make of that what you will. 😂
Will totally send a pic of the dress!
Um, how can you not edit your post after posting and realizing you have a typo. Not only a typo, but a typo in front of a fantastic writer...enter silent scream. "I might break it out..." sigh.
Do you have any idea how many typos I've found in my posts (or had generous readers point out in my posts)? Too many to count. In such cases, I trot out the parable about how Turkish rugs always have a slight imperfection woven into an inconspicuous place because only God can make a perfect thing.
While the writing here is excellent as always, I have no idea what you're talking about. I bound out of bed every morning, every bone, joint and tendon my silent partner in my day's pursuits, and I am always the exact right temperature and I do not sauna-sweat hourly. What you describe sounds—as the kids say (used to say?)—MID.
VERY mid. Dead ass no cap.
Also "like the world’s most depressing game of Pac-Man" --> high score
I believe I met you because I had a suggestion for a pair of overalls and I'm so glad I did because you are the bomb. You make me laugh while you make me think and there should be more of that in this world. And I also have no interest in being 116 years old, so middle age is in the rear view. I just rub castor oil on everything and hope for the best. ❤️
YES!!! You introduced me to Wild Fang and because of you I own a Debbie Harry vest with a chain. And at the risk of spiraling down the "no, YOU" rabbit hole, YOU'RE the bomb. I admire you and your writing so so so much. Also: castor oil? Have not heard of this but must try.
The Debbie Harry vest is so sharp. I'm so glad you bought it. They are such a cool little company.
The castor oil therapy came from my kinesiology voodoo lady. You can get all fancy about it and lube up and wrap your offending body parts (https://queenofthethrones.com/collections/castor-oil-packs) or just use it like a super dense moisturizer. It's crazy thick so it lasts a long time. You might find yourself using it on everything.
Thanks for reading my stuff! I always appreciate you. ❣️
I am on it. Also, once you come roaring back, please please fly through SFO or SJC. Then we can meet in person. You'll know me because I'll be slippery with castor oil like a greased pig and also wearing the Debbie Harry vest.
I CANNOT WAIT!!
I LOVE the "We do not care club" lady! She 100% taps into my humour. I also love realtorkaitlin for the same reason (although she's young and hot - I've embraced forgiveness on this occasion.) Humour is my go-to compass through the supplements, creams, and stretching exercises. In fact, I'm convinced of its healing qualities. Hippocrates was onto something - although I'd prefer not to think about yellow bile and phlegm. But humour sustains me, is a source of encouragement, makes the difficult seem a little less overwhelming, and helps me to stay connected with others. It is a key part of my daily mental workout routine.
Right? The deadpan delivery is genius. And I could not agree more that without humor, we'd all be sunk. Even—especially—in life's darkest moments.
It’s all too true! And it just gets worse—says someone who got a back injury seven months ago and still trying to heal it. All the groaning while trying to get up – thank God only my cats hear it.
Linda Joy, I'm so sorry your back is bothering you—wishing you speedy healing! And don't even get me started on the noises that have come out of my mouth when I get out of bed in the morning or up from a chair. It's startling, really.
Preach!!! This is SO good and true. And those Target cameras are such jerks. Thank you for the many reframes here—I needed this today! ❤️
Thank you so much, Kim! The Target cameras are the absolute worst.
I of course must commend you on your mention of “Drag Me to Hell” by the great Sam Raimi (better known for the “Evil Dead” series and “Spider-Man”). It’s a straightforward scary story about someone trying to be good, who ends up doing something bad in the process.
You will of course be unsurprised to hear that I never watched "Drag Me to Hell," but I did listen to the (excellent) breakdown of the movie on Ruined. And the reference itself was the result of a Google search called "pictures of terrifying old women in movies." Lorna Raver was the first hit.
This is so good!! Well written and made me laugh! I must pop out and get me some retinol cream though I have to admit I have never been to a gym!
Honestly? Laughing is the best antidote to the ravages of age. Better than retinol or the gym, even. Though I can't say that it helps with bone density. :-)