I need you to understand something
about stubbornness, feet, and how we move through the world. Also, a first ever guest post!
And the guest is not just any guest, but my cousin Marianna Freydlin, or Masha to all who know and love her. Like me, she came to the US from Moscow when she was a child; like me, she’s an only child; like me, she’s obsessed with words and meaning-making. She is the only person, apart from my mother, who voluntarily asked to read my dissertation. That, together with the three professors on my dissertation committee, makes a total of five people who have ever read my dissertation, and the professors had to read it because it’s their job. My dissertation is called The Question of their Speech: Exile and Narrative in the Novels of Henry James and Vladimir Nabokov and I do not blame you in the slightest if you are slowly backing away from the computer or gently placing your phone face-down.
This is the kind of person Masha is. She does not back away. She leans in. She is deeply curious. She wants to know stuff. She also has a lot of stuff she wants other people to know.
One of Masha’s favorite phrases is “I need you to understand something,” which I think should be the title of her memoir, and what I need you to understand about her is that she is like no one you’ve ever met. Obviously, everyone you haven’t met is like no one you’ve ever met (this totally made sense in my head when I wrote it), but hear me out: even my cynical daughter calls Masha a sunshine person, unironically, because Masha is the kind of person who makes everything around her brighter and warmer. She has multiple letters after her name—MA, MSED, Ed.M—and has spent almost 20 years as an NYC public school teacher in ENL/ESL classrooms mentoring students as well as teachers and advocating for human-centered education. She created an online community for educators called The Teachers’ Lounge that has almost two thousand members and the best memes. I could go on.
Masha and I met for the first time in 2022, when I was visiting New York City, where she lives. Why we only met a year and a half ago is a long story, and the short version is that it’s because families are complicated. But we’ve been making up for lost time and having regular conversations on Zoom, which typically go at least an hour and a half and often longer, and the idea for her guest post came from one of our recent discussions about how people move through the world. I happen to think that how Masha moves through the world is pretty remarkable. I suspect you will too.
Feet, the English language, and how AI cut me off at the knees
by Marianna Freydlin
The English language is obsessed with feet and most humans with first impressions, a tough hit when you’re a double amputee with a penchant for questioning everything. I teach middle school and the words “this isn’t fair” fall from the lips of my students in a continuous, and often cacophonous (I love this word!) stream, only to be met with my now practiced response of “Well, duh! What’s that got to do with anything?” This may sound like a strange comeback from a middle school teacher, but if you know anything about middle school, it’s that you have to match the energy in the room. Otherwise you’re basically sunk. Although my delivery of this particular pearl of wisdom has gotten better over the years, the truth in the statement has not changed much. Fairness has little do with how we walk through life. If it did, the perfectly splendid statement “how we walk through life” would not involve walking, and I would spend far less time thinking about finding just the right words to relay my everyday human experiences.
Identity is a tricky thing. Biologically, human beings are wired to size each other up quickly. Evolutionarily this was to protect ourselves from saber-toothed tigers, Dinofelis (a predator I had not heard of until I started writing this post and went down a rabbit hole), and the occasional lion/cougar/leopard situation. However, since humans have risen to the top of the evolutionary food chain, it seems we have adapted these early instincts to help us “survive and thrive” in modern society. (For a more in-depth explanation of human dynamics, I direct you to the 2004 film Mean Girls.)
do not underestimate the power of stubbornness and idealism in getting things done.
Thus, it is unsurprising that first impressions are usually snap judgments that imbue the impressed upon with a deep sense of certainty that not only do they know what to expect from you, but that they are invariably correct in their assumptions. While someone who is meeting me for the first time may figure any number of things based on the fact that I literally don’t have a leg to stand on, I could say the same for their assumptions. So, perhaps the bigger question is “Who gets to decide who we are and how we move through this world?”
I have been an amputee for 7 years and 10 months give or take a week or two. (I sat here trying to figure that number out for an embarrassingly long time for someone who is supposed to be good at mental math. Don’t tell my mom.) All of which is to say that I actually spend very little time thinking about my legs or lack thereof. I move through the world on a three-wheeled scooter named Penelope the fourth, the greatest classroom management tool ever, and a sense of peace at the thought that I have written out my daily to do lists since I can’t seem to remember the 42 active tasks for the day with the ease I did in my early 20s. #thisis40. While fairness has little to do with how life unfolds and I would love to give some sage advice on how to deal with the turbulence, it would likely come out sounding like a fortune cookie. So, I will summarize all of my learnings on the subject as follows: do not underestimate the power of stubbornness and idealism in getting things done.
Ironically, when I sat down to write this parable, it was not meant to be one at all. I had planned on entertaining you with the story of how I broke AI, or rather how AI broke me. The idea came from a recent Zoom call with my cousin, during which we discussed all manner of important things, such as the best place to get a great croissant in NYC or in the Bay Area, the state of college admissions, helicopter parenting on steroids, and of course, family dynamics. We also ended up discussing the dichotomy of identity: the way you see yourself versus the way others see you. Naturally the conversation turned to our mutual obsession with language and the plethora of idioms in the English language that have to do with, well… feet. Being the incredibly quirky and awesomely cool person that she is [note from Irena: I swear I did not pay Masha to write this] she asked if I would write a guest post. I thought this was going to be a fun adventure and so I agreed. And then I went online. To be perfectly specific, I spent several hours over the course of a week chatting with ChatGPT about idioms and phrases that have to do with feet. I wanted to know how many there were, considering how much time I spent checking myself when sharing personal experiences and continuously stumbling into phrases like “I really put my foot in it,” “I took one step forward and two steps back” and the ever popular “I had to out my foot down”— a phrase that is essential for relaying stories of middle school shenanigans. Eventually AI told me to fuck off—nicely, of course. I believe the exact words were: “There are many idioms and phrases in the English language that have to do with feet. Some common examples include ‘put your best foot forward,’ ‘have cold feet,’ ‘drag your feet,’ and ‘sweep someone off their feet.’ It is difficult to provide an exact estimate of the total number of idioms and phrases related to feet, but it is safe to say that there are quite a few.”
On hour 4, I gave up. And so, perhaps my initial title should be revised to say: the story of feet and how AI broke me, because clearly, fairness has nothing to do with it and apparently there IS a limit to my stubbornness. (A fact that both my partner and middle school students will be glad to know.)
PS - Anyone with any information on how to accurately estimate the number of common English phrases, expressions and idioms having to do with feet can contact me at theperceptiveteacher@gmail.com
I need you to understand that Masha is openheartedly welcome at our next Coffee Bar "writing session."
"If you know anything about middle school, it’s that you have to match the energy in the room. Otherwise you’re basically sunk." Having taught first-semester freshman for many years, I heartily concur. And thanks for pointing out the plethora of foot expressions out there in the world! (Is there any other body part that can boast the same? Hmm....)